A POLITICALLY INCORRECT ESSAY ON KIDS AND THEIR PARENTS
(So to all those sensitive readers, stop reading here)
I had a situation which many of my colleagues will be familiar with.
Aircraft. Boarding.
A kid comes on his own running like he's about to miss the flight, though there are 289 souls queuing to get in behind him. I stop him and tell him to wait for his parents because on his own his not going anywhere. He might have had some sort of attention disorder, or maybe he plain simply did not understand what I was talking about, he runs into aircraft in an attempt to run up and down the aisle during the boarding process -good luck pal-. So again, this time grabbing him by the head I tell him to wait by my side until his parents come on board. In a more assertive tone. He stays three seconds before he tries to run away again. I pulled him backwards by his hair, stopped the boarding process and yelled at him to stay where he is.
From behind the crowd I feel and hear a man pushing in. People in discomfort. He approaches yelling at me not to talk to the kid like this, "he's just a kid, he doesn't know, you have no right to talk to him like this, I'm his father!"
-Well Sir (though I didn't mean the Sir part) if you are his father YOU should know better than letting your kid wander around an airport on his own, and if he doesn't know what NO means, maybe you should teach him. I am in charge here, and he and you and your lovely wife -quiet, smiling at me as if I am giving them the best welcome in the world and wiggling her head sideways- will board like normal people , not running, when your turn comes and will do at any stage of the flight until you disembark this aircraft, as I say, not as you feel like. Understood?
The crowd's mood changed. Tension became giggles. I was happy and de-stressed.
This customer looked at me with fiery eyes and told me I am rude. Can you believe it?! I AM RUDE?! I replied to him, childish, I know, but I had to:
-No one asked your opinion so now I ask you to shut up and proceed to your seat. You have delayed boarding enough.
I admit, after that statement, I thought I was gonna get fired the minute we landed in Doha. But no, a day later and I still have not been fired. Phew. Oh wait, I haven't checked my mails yet.
I couldn't stop thinking about this incident for a long time. And I got to many conclusions. Poor kids, most the time is not their fault but their parents', because they learn by mimicking. Say no more.
CONCLUSION N1
(Even though you and I, dear reader, are aware of the cliche that it is unfair to put everyone in the same bag and stereotyping is wrong and shouldn't exist, just for the purposes of this racist and social essay, I will do it) There are three kinds of parents:
*Buddhists
*American, European and Australasian
*Arabs and from the Asian subcontinent
Buddhists
Maybe it has to do with their beliefs or maybe not. But kids seem to have been conceived in a nirvana state and, despite class, colour or race, such happy souls that I have nothing to say. Nothing interesting. But we should watch them more and learn I guess.
American European and Australasian
*Kids do not eat chocolate and do not drink sodas on board
*Kids behave relatively well, sometimes to the extreme, and then you wonder just how strict parents are, for God's sake, kids should be able to play and be free after all, not commenting on the latest issue of The Spectator or Times.
*Kids are aware of 'The Magical Words' please thank you hello and good bye, and they use them. Bravo!
*Kids eat whatever there is to eat, and this includes broccoli and carrots. The only fuss they make is at the table because according to the ages they got either motor issues and still can't really get the spoon to the mouth, or they have fun with food war against the floor.
*Kids are dressed up to the occasion, wellies and jackets during day time or PJ's at night.
*Good conduct is rewarded with a candy.
*Parents play with them and pay them attention, take turns to sleep and eat and when they come singled, they are quite organized and seemed to have thought of pretty much all their kids' travel details in advance.
*All in all they are pink healthy happy kids that enjoy a movie or two, drawing, playing with toys and understand that as much as they wish and we wish, NO, we are not there yet.
*European girls seem to grow up too quick and skip a whole part of being a girl jumping from Barbies and dolls to make up and Cosmo .... way sooner that it looks appropriate (really? you want your twelve years old reading tips on how to make him good at going down on you?)
*American kids are a species that mostly you must travel within America to experience. But the ones you encounter on the outside are quite a thing!
*I dare say my favourite kids are kiwis. Maybe 'coz I think they speak too funny and too much and to anybody that's around, and they are barefoot 24/7.
Arabs and from the Asian subcontinent
*Kids only eat chocolate, candies and drink sodas or coffee with milk. Oh, and crisps
*Kids are way too free, have no clue whatsoever of what limits are nor what a person of authority is
*Kids are not aware of 'The Magical Words' please thank you hello and good bye
*Kids are a nightmare to have around
*Parents seem to venerate kids like they do the elderly and the cows (in India)
*There is no good conduct in 99% of the cases, but crying is rewarded with more chocolates and candies
*Kids think they can do whatever they want whenever they want
eg: final check before take off and the 8 years old starts crying and shouting when he is asked by cabin attendant to fasten seatbelt.
The crying was so loud and the shouting so urgent that I thought something serious is happening. I approach the scene, fearing what I will find and ask my fellow cabin attendant
-'What happened?'
-'I told him he has to fasten the seatbelt, as he wouldn't the mum tried and he started crying'
I looked at the kid and started laughing. What else can you do? Mum looked at me and said:
-'Bring him a chocolate and maybe he will stop crying'
-'Madam, if there was a sugar doping test, your kid would fail it. Chocolates are for us crew, not for you, if you want, you should bring your own. I do recommend, though, that you stop feeding sugar to this kid'
-'Ok, a coca cola then? Look how he cries'
-'Listen kiddo, you can fool your mum but not me. Stop crying and fasten your seatbelt NOW or I get you off this aircraft and you stay here alone. You understand me?'
Kid stopped crying, we took off. He did not have any candy, chocolate or sodas for the duration of the flight (I actually blacklisted him for all those items for my flight), nor did he have another brat attack and we all had a good happy life.
-Parents do not seem to be aware it is their job to raise these kids that they have
eg: kid running up and down the aisle in business class causing discomfort to fellow passengers. I tell kid he can walk and he play in the lounge area but he can not run because it is not safe. Kid keeps running up and down. I approach mother of kid, explain situation, she says 'Ah' and keeps watching movie. I explain father, who seems to get the hint and tells little Mohammed not to run anymore. Little Mo behaves for like two minutes until he discovers that climbing seats into strangers laps and running back to his seat is more fun than just running. At one point we start the service and we are walking with one tray in each hand (so literally our visual reduces to as far as our nose) and I bump into Little Mo and almost drop everything I was carrying. I rested the trays on the seats, run behind this brat and started slapping him in the head and shouting at him, in a total madness frensy
-'You must stop running now. It is dangerous. Go back to your seat and stay there until we land'
Realizing I had gone madly physical on a kid, I started rolling my eyes sideways to see if any customer had actually noticed, though hoping they would be still hypnotized, eyes glued to their big screens, like kids.
But no! One had noticed me, his mum none the less. ... F@ck me ! I thought, once again, that the moment we landed I would be placed on the next flight back home.
With this peaceful and unhurried rhythm that desert people are born with, she gets her headsets off, looks at Little Mo as in saying that's what you get man, looks at me and says 'Thank you'
THANK YOU! The mother is actually grateful that I hit the kid so much that he almost spits his brain off his head.
I rest my case.
CONCLUSION N2
This parenthood thing is forever my dear reader. So unless you are committed to taking care of the little fella until little fella is not so little and can take care of you, don't do it. If you are, I salute you. That having been said: It is not the kids fault. But there should be a law against imbeciles having kids.
CONCLUSION N3
Smart creatures these little humans. They observe you in silence for a couple years. They study you. They learn how to get to you, and they use all those skills to their benefit. Smart brats. And us adults, knowing it all, think that they don't know anything, nothing is on purpose, but don't be fooled my friend! They know, they know better than you and me. I dare you:
Count how many times silence, hunger strike or crying got you what you wanted.
Count how many times silence, hunger strike or crying got the little want what she/he wanted.
Get my point?
CONCLUSION N4
Humans never fail to surprise me.
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